Why The Cavs Will Win The NBA Finals


The Cleveland Cavaliers are going to win the 2018 NBA Finals.  I have seen this scenario play out in 1989.  There were a lot of laughs and the protagonists had to drag a corpse around almost from the beginning but in the end everybody went home happy.  Let me give you a little context.

First we need to look back on J.R. Smith's early career highlights.  This is crucial to the plot.

Remember that guy?  Keep those highlights in mind later.  First let's look at this classic quote:

"If anything has to go, I'm glad it's my vision, not the old joystick.  You know what I mean?"


Believe it or not, it wasn't J.R. Smith that said that, but rather Bernie Lomax from Weekend At Bernie's.  If you aren't familiar with this late 80's cultural masterpiece, shame on you.  I'll give you a basic overview so you can understand why I know the Cavs will win this series.

First of all we have J.R. Smith playing the role of Bernie Lomax.  Bernie commits some serious fraud.  He is about to be exposed so he orders the murders of Richard Parker (LeBron James) and Larry Wilson (Kevin Love).  J.R. Smith's fraud was showing the world all the potential you saw in those earlier highlights and then just turning into the meme that now walks around wearing a Cavs jersey with the name Smith on it's back.  In the movie, the mob kills Bernie before he can have Richard and Larry knocked off.  In the Finals,  J.R. tried to assassinate the Cavs' chances of winning the title with his antics in the last seconds of Game 1.

Next up we have LeBron James playing Richard Parker.  Richard Parker is the first guy I ever saw wearing a suit with shorts.  He's the guy on the right.


And here's the Richard Parker of the NBA:


Richard Parker is our hero in this movie.  Him and his sidekick (I'm just going to make him Kevin Love) aren't about to let a dead guy ruin their weekend any more than these Cavs are going to let J.R.'s attempted murder on their season ruin their Finals.

After a really tough start, these fellas rose to the occasion again and again, facing down the toughest twists and turns the weekend (the Finals) threw at them.  They came out on top.  They made it through the weekend.

If the Cavs are going to come through and ride out the Finals like it's Weekend At Bernie's, they are going to have to do more than wear shorts with a suit and drag J.R.'s corpse around.  They are going to have to come up with some serious performances in high pressure situations.  And a little improvisation:

There you have it.  Cleveland wins the Finals based on Weekend At Bernie's.  Prove me wrong.

And if you really haven’t seen Weekend At Bernie’s, do yourself a favour.   It’s terrible.

Tim Caldwell